These lines never meant more to me than when I admit the heart that was put into them.
Sometimes I pretend that I don't have a heart.
Sometimes I tell myself that I truly hate someone or something.
But when the time comes, it takes all of me not to breakdown.
More often than not though the stream of words are flowing without any evidence of the sun.
Trapped inside the shade that we personally think will protect us. Well, when my hand was in yours the sun shined brighter than ever. Confidence was baked onto my skin.
Not a doubt floated through my head and I was sure that soon enough that feeling would be dead.
God...was I right.

Tricking myself into thinking that it never meant a thing.
Fooling myself into wanting nothing to do with you.
Deceiving myself into regrets of you.
But every now and then a sliver of thought seeps in and I'm once again cast into a cycle of wicked thought on the ways that I never was really good at much.
The thing that I was good at was thinking about things that I weren't good at.

Ironic?
You poured irony from your pores the day you said you loved me. When the dust settles in my mind...everything is gone.
What's there to do now.
So I rest.
But it's not really resting when all you do in that time is worry and become increasingly self conscious about the same thing and at the same time you aren't smiling anymore.
The frown that you were born with will fade.
The line of your lips became straight when you said you loved me those last few weeks we were together.
I went and messed things up again.
But it is no different than any other time for me.

My mouth will curse you and will not cease until I know that you are dead on the inside.
But that won't happen.
You knew what was coming and you built your walls up.
Time and time again I just proved myself wrong.
I tell myself I am a good person.
But that never seemed to down me.
In fact I believed myself and went with that for a moment.
But eventually I grew out of that.

I had ideals that were great ideas on how to prove to myself and others that I was good.
But, sticks and stones tore that foundation down and the words you said got to me.

Where were you, you coward who left me out in the sun for my heart to shrink and shrivel?
I held you time and time again while you were in hysterics.
But I know you.
And you will do nothing but skim this.
You will take a longer time skimming this than you would actually taking the time to understand the passion and heart that I have cut out of my chest and wrung it out into these words.

But there's no going back now.
You are gone and you are happy and you are sad and you are dead on the inside and you can do nothing but sulk and you will find another love and you will say the same things and you are in my head and I can't get you out.